People say the most interesting things when you are pregnant. Most of it isn’t bad, but it’s just interesting. Some of it may come from a protection standpoint. Or everyone loves babies so maybe they love to comment on pregnant women too? I remember when I was out in Vegas to speak at Bloggy BootCamp, a rather intoxicated lady asked if she could deliver my baby in the elevator. Interesting since I was only five or six months at the time? Yeah, wasn’t quite ready for labor, but she felt the need to inform me that she’d be there for me if I was.
Then last week there were two incidents. One was funny and the other I can’t quite let go of. Going into Costco, the greeter says to me, “Looks like you won’t get your tax refund this year.” Pretty funny since she will be born (hopefully) after the new year and we’ll have that tax refund on the next year’s taxes. I remember someone I knew being so happy that they were delivering on the 31st so that he could get that tax break.
Later at my hairdresser, we had a full conversation about my pregnancy. When I saw her last I was only a month or two pregnant, so I wasn’t ready to tell her yet. This time was the first time she had seen me pregnant and she wanted to talk to me about every aspect of it. Which I love btw. I love hearing other people’s experiences, and how they did various things with their little ones (or quite grown up little ones now). But then toward the end of the haircut, she went on a ten to fifteen minute rant about how people don’t die in labor anymore. How she’s never known anyone and how hospitals are amazing because we have such a low death rate for mothers (which I think isn’t quite correct. Or it’s that the complications rate has gone up but not deaths. Not sure.) That part of the conversation felt like hours. In my head, I immediately think…oh no. This is the part in the movie where everyone knows what’s going to happen next (mom dies during labor). No tirade goes on for that long without the sad ending. She just kept repeating how she didn’t know anyone that’s ever died in labor. Or maybe the words kept echoing in my head.
Since then I’ve been able to let it go…a little bit. But I was definitely affected by her comments. I can’t understand why someone would even bring up the topic. That night, I went home and made DH promise to raise pumpkin right in the event that I did die. I was so shaken by the whole thing. Well I think I still am actually. You go through the classes and the prep, and you think…well worst case scenario, I don’t have the birth I want. I get a c-section or have to have drugs or maybe it’s too painful. But you never think…I might not see pumpkin be born. That I might not make it out alive. I never thought that until this conversation with the hairdresser. Now with only a few weeks to go, I can’t get it fully out of my mind.
It feels a bit crazy for this to stand out so much in my head. Especially with all the happy moments I have right now. For instance today a woman was so protective of me at the hospital (I was pre-registering) and she kept watching me like I could go into labor at any second. It was cute. I love feeling pumpkin moving and responding to things she may be hearing (like music or DH’s voice).
I just wish sometimes, people would take a second to think about what they are saying.
Thursday, December 27th, 2012, 9:30 am | 
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December 27, 2012 at 11:39 am
That’s awful. I’m sure she was just trying to reassure you that delivering is a lot safer than it used to be, but I can totally see how it’s walking a fine line to even bring it up. Definitely shake it off… you are going to be fine and I’ve got Auntie Lauryn, Auntie Amanda and Auntie Temera ready to come play.
Carolyn West recently posted..Validation
December 27, 2012 at 11:40 am
Although it’s pretty strange that your hairdresser would bring this up and spend so much time talking about such a dark topic, I think it’s completely normal for pregnant moms and new moms and all moms to think about “what if?”
I did the same thing when I was pregnant with my second. I made sure to tell my husband that he’d be the best dad ever and gave him some simple requests if anything were to happen to me.
Now that you’re a mom, you’ll start planning for the “what ifs” just in case. Being prepared for those types of situations are what makes us moms, looking out for our kids and our loved ones takes our brains and our thoughts in different directions sometimes.
Try focusing instead on the moments you have now and enjoy every one of them.They grow so quickly! xoxoxoxo
Sondra Santos Drahos recently posted..Holly Jolly Mocktails
December 27, 2012 at 11:43 am
It sounds to me like she was trying to be positive and make you feel more relaxed, but those darn hormones latched onto something quite the opposite. But you’re right…she really shouldn’t have said anything at all. It never ceased to amaze me either what people would say when I was obviously pregnant. It still amazes me how many total strangers would run up to touch my stomach.
You should hear the stories my grandmother-in-law would tell me about being pregnant and giving birth. If I had heard them before I got pregnant, I would have had my tubes tied!
Keri recently posted..Strategy Guides of the Year 2012
December 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I had a miscarriage scare with my 3rd and several (not just one!) people talked to me about their miscarriages or their friend’s miscarriages or some horrible stories they’d heard of miscarriages. It was so awful to hear and I realllllly hated it.
Good for you for liking the pregnancy and baby advice, I hated it! haha
Desiree Eaglin recently posted..What You Need To Know: The 124th Annual Rose Parade – CBSLA
December 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm
No one’s life is a Hallmark movie, so pure good. Tragedy still happens, but science is amazing and there is no reason to worry.
Next time, just tell her the conversation makes you uncomfortable- I bet she thought she was trying to help.
January 2, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Exactly. I remember telling several people to stop talking, when I was pregnant. Doesn’t have to be rude.
Also I had a completely insane delivery and came out unscathed at the end. Modern medicine is great.
You’ll do great and experience a whole new kind of love at the end of it.
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December 28, 2012 at 7:17 am
Overall, i think it wasn’t meant maliciously, but weirdly to reassure you. However, it was odd, lol. Don’t let those kinds of comments stick with you long though. They’re not worth the space they occupy in your head. The only person you need to listen to and take to heart about matters like that is your Dr. (easier said than done, I know)
Having been in the position to hear the words “you, your baby or both of you might not make it if you go into labor before we get this c-section done… so um don’t go into labor until Tuesday, ok?” was the most surreal, yet hilarious thing I’d ever heard. Full disclosure, my doctor was awesome, and knew that was, in fact, the best way to tell me that things could go very, very wrong without scaring the poop out of me. Dry, dark humor and i are very good friends, but it’s not like that for everyone. Had he gone on and on about survival rates vs. mortality rates and that kinds stuff, i would have lost my mind. Don’t give me facts, don’t tell me things will be ok, just make sure i know the tools are there to help and make it a success… which it was.
You’re in good hands, Trina. Trust the doctors, the nurses and above all else, trust yourself to get your little one into the world safely