I know this may sound silly and maybe everyone will think I just need to drag my lazy butt to a gym, but I am terrified of gaining weight. I am constantly squeezing the fat in front of my belly. Praying those size 4 pants will still fit. Anxious about the day they don’t.
Before I was pregnant I was curvy. I wouldn’t say overweight, but at 5’4 155lbs I was definitely pushing it. I remember after my first visit to the OB, she put a stamp on my chart that I will never forget….obese. To her I was obese and therefore put into a high risk category. My age probably would have put me there anyway but nevermind that. One blow to self esteem at a time. I was told I really needed to be careful about the amount of weight I put on.
I loved being pregnant. I loved everything about it. Including my growing belly. I shopped for cute maternity clothes. I remember someone at work telling me how cute I looked and that they liked my new stylish look. That’s when I became aware that up until now, I had been quite lazy about the way I dressed.
After pumpkin, I started a routine of pumping and stroller walks. After three to four months, the weight started coming off and coming off drastically. My clothes went from barely fitting to falling off. I rushed to stores to catch sales and purchase clothes that fit. It was an amazing feeling to buy pants that were a size 6 and then a size 4. I felt kindof like a rock star. So I did what any rock star would do…I bought designer clothes. I go on RueLaLa.com,which I love so much, and get designer clothes for mega discounts. Just the other week I got an amazing Alice + Olivia houndstooth dress normally $330 for $75. I can’t wait to wear it!
At 19 months (almost 20), I had to stop pumping because of surgery. I have been in healing mode for the last few months. In the meantime, my Ann Taylor pants are getting tighter and tighter and my internal stress is getting worse. What will I do if my favorite clothes stop fitting? I spent all this money on fashionable clothes that fit me at the time.The odd thing is the scale hasn’t gone up that drastically. Just a couple of pounds.
I walk now everywhere, and I use the elliptical for 20 -30 minutes right now when I can’t go out and walk. I just started this and hope that it makes a difference. I’d love to join a gym, but going to work, coming home taking care of pumpkin and making us dinner/cleaning doesn’t leave any time for gym visits.
I’m not sure what I will do. When I look at myself now all I see is fat. Which is odd because I’m still over 30 pounds lighter than pre-baby self. I know this sounds silly and vain, but it’s something I can’t quite get over right now. I’m trying to tell myself that if I go up to 130 it’s no big deal but that I have to maintain at 130. I refuse to let myself get up to my prior weight unless it’s part of natural weight gain for pregnancy. Hoping one of my readers has some advice. How do you deal with the ups and downs of weight?
The RueLaLa link is an affiliate link. But I use them ALL the time (ask my husband who brings in the boxes), and want to share the love!