I am currently 5.5 weeks post Ectopic Pregnancy surgery. Some days I feel okay and some I do not. On the positive side, I just recently started my period which means the plumbing is starting to work again. The ovulation pain leading up to said period was incredibly painful. From what I have been told, it will be painful for awhile because of heightened awareness of the area. Joy.
I found a new OB. I set up a consult and immediately felt welcomed by the staff and the OB. Everyone was kind and understanding. Apologizing for what I’ve been through. He sat with me and went over what our next steps are and encouraged us to have “lots of sex”. lol In his point of view, I have an 88% chance of a healthy pregnancy, so we should just go for it.
What are the next steps? Well we want to keep trying. But I will get a HSG test which is a dye test to see if my remaining tube is okay. I have read varying opinions on this test. Some people say it helped and it made them “more fertile”. Others say it did nothing and they still ended up with another ectopic. But we’re going to go for it and hope the test returns an “all clear”.
I wish I could say I was better though. I’m healing physically but mentally I almost seem to be worse. Or maybe the realization is hitting me. I joined some support groups on Facebook that helped initially but now I feel like I’m drowning in sadness from everyone’s loss and that there may be little hope in avoiding a second loss. With that my anxiety about death has risen. Hearing that a tube ruptured and you were starting to bleed internally when you felt no pain or warning about it is scary. If more time had gone by, I could have died. I can’t imagine not being around for pumpkin. Not seeing her grow up. All because I wanted to try for another baby. It seems selfish. But I don’t know. I just don’t feel like I am “done” yet.
So while I heal, I struggle with that “next steps” discussion. But I do take every day to be thankful for that smile, that laugh and every experience I have with my family. Here’s to a great holiday weekend! Have a great time with your family and remember…time is precious.